Countdown
by XxxAnimaniacxxX
Summary: 'It's amazing how people just float around in your life until one day, all it takes is one moment to notice each other. To meet each other.' A lot of Kames angst in this, enough for everyone! Cutting, abuse etc. Also little bits of Cargan here and there.
1. Chapter 1

**Just a sad Kames story.**

One slice. The porcelain sink was spattered with scarlet droplets.

His scars were thin and pale, like white spider's legs. His wrists were covered in them.

Two slices. A few trails of blood trickled down the drain.

He wore long sleeves or wristbands to hide them. Even when he didn't bother, nobody noticed.

Three slices. The sink was covered in blood now, but he couldn't stop.

Sometimes he couldn't take the pressure. One night it'd been too much, and the bread knife had been right there, and he just couldn't resist. It was like smoking; one you start you can't stop.

Four slices. He was sobbing now, it hurt so much, yet it lifted a great weight off his shoulders.

Nobody ever noticed. Nobody cared.

* * *

One punch. He felt pain burning in his gut as he doubled over, clutching his stomach.

Family members were supposed to love each other. They were supposed to care.

Two punches. This one was in the face, and the force of it knocked him onto the bedroom floor.

Some families didn't care. His didn't. They liked to hurt him. They liked to hear him scream and see him cry.

Three punches. He could hear the angry yelling in his ears, calling him names.

Every day he was covered in bruises. He went to school with a purple face.

Four punches. He was slammed against the wall and thrown back onto the hard floor. All he could do was lie there and cry.

Nobody noticed. Nobody cared.

**This is more than a one shot, if anyone's wondering! You can call this a prologue. Review, methinks?**


	2. Chapter 2

**I was amazed by all the feedback I got and I wanna say thanks! I was also amazed by how many people guessed wrong, but that's ok! This chapter isn't very good, it's kinda pointless but I like it anyway! Enjoy!**

Kendall pulled a jacket on and headed down the stairs to the kitchen. "Morning," he said cheerfully to his sister, Katie.

"Hi." Kendall sat down, frowing. Usually she was full of chatter in the morning.

"You ok?" he asked, watching her carefully. "You're very quiet."

"Let's see," Katie replied sarcastically. "My brother is getting beaten senseless by the man who dares call himself our dad. My mom is too scared to do anything about it, and my stupidly noble brother won't let _me_ do anything about it in case I get hurt. So, no, I'm not ok!" Without warning, she started to cry.

"Oh, Katie." Kendall hugged the small crying girl tightly. "Don't worry about me, baby sister. That's not your job."

"You're right. It's mom's job."

He stiffened. "Katie, that's not fair—"

"You're right, it's not fair! On you! I don't know who you think you're fooling, cos it's not me."

Kendall sighed, getting to his feet. "I gotta get to school. I'll see you later." He kissed her on the forehead, picked up his backpack and walked out the back door. The morning was chilly, a dark fog blurring everything in sight. He hurried down the street, pulling his jacket around him. He wished he'd brought a hat with him, but he wasn't gonna walk back. He kept walking until he reached his school; a tall gloomy red-brick building. He walked through the busy hallway, dodging passing students as he made his way towards his locker. He stopped in front of it and was fumbling with the combination lock when a tall brunette boy stopped at the locker next to him. He didn't know they guy well; he didn't even know if they were in any classes. And they were never at their lockers at the same time.

James mumbled a greeting to the blonde next to him, reaching up to open his locker. "What happened to your hands?" He turned to look at the guy next to him. He'd never spoken to him before, yet he somehow didn't mind answering.

"I fell down the stairs and crashed into this table with a vase on it," he replied with a smile. Naturally, he wasn't going to tell the truth. But this boy's bright green eyes were tugging at his heartstrings, at the same time they were saying, _you're a liar. You coward; why are you lying to me?_

Then James noticed the blonde's black eye. "What happened to your face?" he asked, copying the totally innocent question.

The boy gave him a cheeky smile. "I fell down the stairs." James liked his smile; he had a dimple in his left cheek and his eyes lit up. He closed the locker and walked away without another word. "Hold on!" James called after him. He turned around. "Yeah?"

"Uh . . . what's your name?" He felt foolish the second he asked, but he wanted to know. He really, really wanted to know.

"Kendall," he replied with another smile. "Kendall Myers. What's yours?"

"James Diamond. I, uh . . . I guess I'll see you around."

Kendall nodded. "I guess you will." Then he left, and James found he couldn't breathe. And he couldn't stop smiling. He turned and went to his algebra class, feeling considerably light-hearted.

* * *

It was during European History that he ran into Kendall again. He'd taken a seat at the back of the room. Everyone else filed in, the teacher coming in last, collapsing behind her desk. She obviously wasn't feeling light-hearted. The class was five minutes in when Kendall arrived, looking flushed and shaken. He greeted the teacher's glare with a quick apology, his bright eyes darting around, looking for a seat. He walked to the only free one. At the back, next to James. He didn't give any sign that he recognised him.

The teacher started the class, and James was trying to come up with something good to say, when a folded piece of paper dropped on top of his history book. He looked at Kendall, who didn't look back. He unfolded the paper and read the note.

_What happened to your hands?_

James tried to hold in his laughter as he scribbled back a reply and placed it on Kendall's desk. _Fell down the stairs. What happened to your face?_

Kendall was smiling as he wrote down another reply and tossed the paper back to him. James's eyes scanned over it. _Fell down the stairs._ He grinned at Kendall, who finally smiled back. He wrote down on the paper, _I think we should both stay away from stairs._

He handed it to Kendall, who took it and read it quickly. James saw the adorable dimple again as he was handed back the note. _I think we should use elevators from now on. Too bad I hate elevator music._

It was funny how something so simple could make James smile so widely. Apart from today, he couldn't remember the last time he'd smiled and actually meant it. He glanced up at the history teacher, who was writing something on the board about . . . history. _Wow, you too? I know a great coffee shop, and they play great music. You up for it?_

He gave the note back, praying the blonde wouldn't take a dim view of his offer. A few seconds later he got his answer. _Sure. After school. But I'm broke, so you're buying._ James tried to hold in his smile. Instead of writing on the note, he nodded at Kendall. Kendall nodded back with another grin. James once again couldn't stop smiling. And he couldn't breathe either.

**Yes, I know I gave Kendall a different last name. Don't question it, and please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**This chapter isn't great, in my opinion. But the story is gonna get better!**

Kendall Myers was almost sixteen; only three months left to wait. He loved black coffee. He had a little sister. He wanted to play for Minnesota Wild, but he knew that was unrealistic, so his other major career goal was to be a social worker. If there were kids that needed help, he wanted to be there. He didn't say why. He wanted to get a tattoo; one that symbolized freedom. James didn't ask him why he wanted to show his freedom. He didn't think he'd get a real answer, because Kendall wasn't ready to tell him.

James Diamond turned sixteen a month ago. He loved iced coffee with as much sugar as possible. He had an older sister who was away at college. He loved ice hockey too, but he wanted to be a star in movies, music, or pretty much anything else. He just wanted to be famous. Kendall didn't ask him why his dream was for everybody to know who he was. He didn't think he'd get a real answer, because James wasn't ready to tell him.

They were sitting in that coffee shop James had bravely suggested they go to, with coffee and a plate of cookies in front of them, chatting about anything and everything, like they'd known each other forever. They sat there for two hours, though it felt like two minutes for both of them. Because of how much they'd enjoyed each other's company. Or just company in general.

When they both decided they should get going, James was afraid to ask. Would he seem too forward, too eager? He asked anyway. At first Kendall just stared at him blankly for a second, his eyes slightly wider than before. Then he nodded with that adorable smile. And they swapped phone numbers.

It was when they had both started walking home that they realised they were both heading the same way. So they talked some more, both of them saying things they never thought they'd ever tell anyone. Kendall stopped first, saying goodbye as he walked to the front porch and through the front door, shutting it behind him. James stood there and watched for another second, before walking the rest of the way home.

* * *

James noticed Kendall again the next day at school. He came in drinking a takeaway coffee. There was no hiding the bruises darkening the pale skin of his cheek. There was both hate and fear in his eyes, and although there as a faint pout on his lips, there was also traces of a snarl. And James noticed. Whenever anyone walked to close to him, there was just a tiny flinch, and the fear in his eyes took over the hate just a little. James watched. And he noticed.

He ate lunch with a small Latino boy and two girls, one blonde, one brunette. They were all so different from each other, and James noticed. The blonde was chatting to the brunette girl at a rapid pace, and she was listening with wide innocent eyes. The Latino talked to Kendall at a rapid pace. He just sat quietly and listened without touching his food, and James noticed.

He shoved his books in his locker and just stood there for a minute. He wasn't eager to go home, and James noticed. He walked to his own locker, watching the blonde carefully. He wanted to start a conversation, but didn't know what to say. Luckily Kendall fixed that problem for him. "Have you stayed away from stairs?"

James grinned to himself. "I'm doing my best. What about you?"

"I've been trying, but tomorrow I've got an English test and it's on the second floor." He smirked up at James. "I'm very afraid."

James laughed at this. "Too bad for you, I've got an English test tomorrow, but it's on the ground floor."

"Well, aren't you lucky?" Kendall slammed his locker shut, resting his back against it. "You got Miss Lynch?"

"No."

"You're even luckier." He chuckled. "She hates my guts."

"Nah," James sniggered. "She probably thinks you're cute!" _I know I do._

"Shut up," Kendall rolled his eyes at him. "I gotta get going." He walked off and left the school. James watched for another second, starting to find his breathing troubles a little irritating. Then he left too.

An hour later, James was wandering pretty aimlessly around town. He didn't want to go home; not yet. After a second he pulled out his cell phone. Did he dare? He could say he had nothing to lose, but now he had everything to lose. Still he typed a quick text and pressed send.

_Hey, u wana do somethin 2moro after skul?_

He waited apprehensively for about a minute.

_Wat kind of somethin?_

_Anythin. Just thought u mite be free._

_I'm free. C u 2moro._

James grinned to himself, finally deciding to brave the prison that was his home. He walked down the street and to the front door, unlocking it and walling in. Erica was watching TV in the living room. James didn't acknowledge her, because he didn't want to. It was that simple.

* * *

Kendall Myers hated discrimination. His favourite band was The Script. Although he responded to a little flirting, he wouldn't let James wrap an arm around his shoulder, because he felt cornered, like a trapped animal. James knew this, and he didn't mind.

James Diamond hated discrimination too, and stereotypes. His favourite band was Lifehouse. He flirted a little and Kendall responded, but that was as far as he wanted to go for now. He hoped more would come with time.

**First: did anyone spot the Grease reference in here? Bonus points if you did! Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry I took so long to update! I had terrible writer's block with this . . . ANYWAY, I also had to do some research for this chapter. Tattoo symbolism, no less! Of freedom, strength, rebirth etc. When I found one for rebirth I was like 'OMG I have an idea!' You'll see when you read the chapter. **

**ANYWAY AGAIN, I was gonna give Kendall a tattoo and piercing in another story I plan on doing (basically Kendall and James are best friends, one of them moves away then comes back a few years later. There will be romance, naturally! May or may not be rated M) and when I was writing the third chapter I decided to use it in this story too! Did you know that a broken chain means freedom but a closed chain means slavery?**

**ANYWAY FOR THE THIRD TIME, you may have noticed that I changed the summary of this. I got the idea from a review I received from TheTruthAboutForeverMore, so thanks for that review, and all the other reviews I received! Ok, this is one of the longest author's notes I've ever done, so I'm gonna end it now! Enjoy the chapter! **

Four weeks passed since that day.

The first week, Kendall missed three days of school, and James noticed. Kendall told him he liked his hair, and James felt a surge of pride and joy. They went out twice that week. Kendall was quieter than usual, and James noticed.

When he came back James had got his hair cut, and Kendall noticed. He said he liked it because he did; it was that simple. James looked like he's won the lotto when he said that, and Kendall noticed.

The second week, he got his lip pierced, and James noticed. He said he liked it because he did; it was that simple. He had never had real, good friends before Kendall. He felt so energized now that he didn't even need to relieve the pain with cutting, because most of the pain had vanished. Whoever said being in love hurt was lying. Except for the fact that he couldn't tell Kendall. They went out four times that week. Kendall seemed a lot happier, and James noticed.

James's scars didn't disappear but new ones stopped appearing, and Kendall noticed. He was happy, because he wanted James to stop. But he couldn't say that. When James said he liked his new lip ring, Kendall felt even happier about getting it. Maybe it had hurt and his mom had yelled at him a lot, but it was worth it now. James was holding something back, and Kendall noticed.

The third week, he had a black chain inked around his forearm, and James noticed. It was broken at the ends. A broken chain symbolised freedom, and James noticed. Now that he felt he didn't need to cut anymore, he thought he should probably take better care hiding them. Maybe he could rebuild all the relationships that had trickled away, like his blood. Even if he couldn't, he had Kendall and that made it better. They went out every single day that week. Kendall was the happiest he'd ever been, and James noticed.

James started hiding the scars more carefully, and Kendall noticed. He didn't ask why, because he didn't think it was any of his business. James didn't comment on the tattoo, but he didn't mind. Everyone else who'd commented had just put him down. "_Oh God, what did you do to yourself? Challen, you need to keep your children under control" . . . "dude, what you did?" . . . "Uh, it's—different, anyway" . . ._ James was happier, and Kendall noticed.

The fourth week, he came in with purple arms, and James noticed. He looked close to tears, and James noticed. He wanted to hold him in his arms and let him cry for as long as he wanted. He got a tattoo because he felt like a new person. His dad didn't know, and he hoped to keep it that way. Kendall understood why he wanted it. They went out every day that week too. Kendall let him wrap an arm around his shoulder because he felt more comfortable, and James noticed.

James got a tiny scarlet phoenix inked on the inside of his forearm, and Kendall noticed. He asked him why he got it, and he said it stood for rebirth. James seemed like a new person, and Kendall noticed. His dad had been angry at the weekend. He'd yelled that Kendall had ruined the family's image. Kendall said he was doing a good job of that himself, and shouldn't he quieten down in case the neighbours heard? It didn't end well for him. James was happy, and Kendall noticed.

Friday night was probably the best night of his life. He'd walked Kendall to the front door instead of just leaving when the house came into view. He was smiling, and he meant it. They just stood there for a few seconds, watching each other. Then James kissed him. It was just a small peck on the lips, but he felt a million fireworks going off inside his head. Kendall's eyes were wide, practically screaming, like the day they met. This time, he couldn't tell what they were saying. Then the blonde smiled up at him. And James felt those soft lips touch his again. This time the kiss was real, and Kendall was clinging to the front of his shirt like he never wanted to let go, and James noticed. James wrapped his arms around him, wanting to hold him there forever. But the need to breathe was becoming too much, and he was the first to pull back. He looked down at Kendall for one long moment. Kendall was blushing, and James noticed.

"Er . . . that was nice." All James could do was nod in agreement, grinning so wide he was sure his face would split in half. Kendall smiled back shyly. "I should probably go inside now. They'll be wondering where I am." James nodded in a daze. Kendall kissed him once more before going inside. James left, feeling his heart do summersaults.

The three weeks that passed after that were amazing. James walked around with a grin on his face, and Kendall noticed. He took the time to introduce him to Carlos, Jo and Camille. They were his friends, in a way, and James was his friend too. And more. Either way, he wanted them to meet. James was totally baffled by Carlos, and Kendall noticed. James didn't think much of Jo, and Kendall noticed. James liked Camille, and Kendall noticed. Then James decided to introduce Kendall to his own good friend, Logan. They lived next door to each other, and they'd been close when they were little, but they'd drifted apart during middle school. There was a reason for that, but he didn't explain it. He'd drifted away from everyone back then.

Kendall and James spent every weekday together, and James wished there could be more. But Kendall spent the weekends with his sister, and James didn't mind. He hadn't met Katie, but he'd heard a lot, all good. He still hadn't managed to step past the gigantic boundary that was Kendall's front door, because Kendall was hesitant about letting him in. And not just into his house either. James noticed this.

A problem rose the first time James invited Kendall home to watch the game that was on that afternoon. James didn't want Kendall to come unless everybody was out. He thought of his dad; a strict, no-nonsense businessman with an inflexible opinion of everything in James's life. Then Erica, who influenced every decision he made, usually not in James's favour. Then he thought of Kendall, with his long emo bangs, lip ring, dark clothes and tattoo, and knew what the outcome would be. Today, however, dad and Erica were out, so he invited Kendall home for a while. For once, he wasn't shy about asking him, and Kendall wasn't shy when he answered. James noticed this.

They were now on James's couch. James was stroking Kendall's hair, and Kendall was resting his head on James's lap. For once, the hockey game on the TV was ignored by the two boys. Kendall held one of James's hands, idly playing with his fingers. "James?"

"Yes?"

Kendall stroked the brunette's wrist. "Do you think you might be able to stop?" James looked down at him in shock. "I might be able to try," he answered slowly. "I haven't done it in a while." He smiled. "Because I haven't been unhappy."

"Why the sudden change of mood?" Kendall asked, kissing his boyfriend's hand.

"No reason," James smirked, taking Kendall's hand in his and pulling him into a sitting position. "I think it's because of the nice weather we've been having."

"You mean the fog and rain?" Kendall raised his eyebrows at him. James just nodded with a solemn expression, before kissing the blonde on the forehead. As Kendall's eyes strayed around the room, he saw the framed photo on the coffee table. He gave a small smile. "You and your sister look like twins."

James gave a small chuckle. "Everybody says that." He gazed wistfully at the picture. He'd missed Faye a lot since she started college, but he missed his mother even more. Faye was just like her; everyone said that too, more in personality than looks. Now Faye wasn't around, and James only had his ignorant father for company.

He hadn't realised there were tears in his eyes until he felt Kendall take his hand and give it a comforting squeeze. "You ok?" James looked at Kendall, who had a concerned look on his face. It was impossible to lie to those eyes. "No."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"A little." James put his feet up and leaned farther back against the couch. "I just . . . I miss her a lot, y'know?"

"Who?" James cast a sideways glance at him. How was it that this blonde boy seemed to know everything just by looking at him? James sighed. "My mom."

"Tell me."

It was a gentle request; he wasn't pushing him. James ran a hand through his hair, not caring that he messed his hair up. "She was sick. She . . . she had cancer. And she died when I was thirteen." He wished he could cry, but the tears seemed to have vanished.

He felt Kendall pull him into a hug and he didn't resist. He rested his head on top of Kendall's as he listened to his boyfriend's breathing. "I'm sorry," he mumbled into James's chest.

"Thank you." James pulled Kendall closer to him. "I've had a stepmother for a year now. Erica." He scowled at nothing. "I hate her. Dad always sides with her and they either ignore me or criticise everything I do." He felt Kendall's arms stiffen slightly, and he knew Kendall knew.

Kendall pulled back slightly so he could look James in the eyes. "Y'know, no matter how bad things get, there's always somebody else worse off."

"Is that what you tell yourself?" When Kendall didn't answer, James just kissed him softly. He didn't think he'd ever loved anybody so much, ever. Besides his family. But right now, he loved Kendall so desperately it felt like an ache in his chest. He caught the little silver ring between his teeth, tugging at it gently as his hands wandered everywhere. He felt Kendall's hands resting on his shoulders as his breathing sped up, whispering his name seconds before they kissed again. He used his arms to move Kendall until he was lying on his back, James leaning over him. "I love you," James said softly, tracing Kendall's cheekbones with his fingers. He saw how Kendall's eyes widened, how his lips parted slightly as he let out a long shaky breath. "James . . ."

Then James heard the door open, and leaped back from Kendall like he'd been electrocuted. He heard laughter and then Erica and his dad entered the room. James immediately saw the look in his father's eyes. And then he thought he might as well get it over with. If there was one thing he'd learned, it was that ignoring problems didn't make them go away. If anything, they made it worse. "Hey, Dad, Erica," he said, not bothering to fake a smile. "This is Kendall Myers. We're in a lot of classes together in school." _They probably don't even remember what school I go to. I'm surprised they remember my name. _

"Well . . . it's nice to meet you, Kendall," James's dad said, an unreadable expression on his face. At least he was making a bit of an effort.

"You too." Kendall smiled at them, though James could see it was a little strained. He could also tell that Kendall would rather be anywhere but there right now. He was proven right as he saw his boyfriend reach down and pick his backpack off the floor. "I should be getting home, so . . . yeah. Bye." He got up and headed past them towards the hallway, James getting up and following.

"You're not staying?" Erica called after him, and James could hear the sarcasm in her voice. He shut the front door after him and leaned against it. "Kendall, don't mind them. Really; they're always like this."

"It's fine, James," Kendall said quietly. "But, I'm still just gonna head home. I know they don't want me in there. They probably think I'll steal and/or damage property."

"They don't even know you!"

"They don't need to know me! Once they see _this_—," he waved his arms up and down his body to emphasise the point. "—nothing else matters. To adults, image means everything. 'Nuff said." He sighed. "See you in school." Then he turned and left.

James took a deep breath, composed himself, and opened the front door, storming back inside. He just folded his arms and glared at the both of them. James's dad sighed. "James, I don't mean to be a control freak, but . . . him? Really? I mean . . . c'mon, you can do better."

"What's that even supposed to mean? We're just friends." _I'm lying._

Erica laughed; she actually threw her head back and laughed hysterically. "James Diamond, you're not fooling us. And your dad is right. People like him aren't worth your time. Or anybody's—"

"Erica—" James's dad began, but James beat him to it.

He managed to resist the urge to run up to Erica and start choking her. He yelled instead. "Don't _ever _talk about him like that! Who the hell do you think you are, judging him when you don't even know him! You have no idea what he's been through and he's not—"

"Ohhhh. This is a pity relationship, then?"

"Erica." Dad took a deep breath. "If James wants to be with . . . with _that_, it's his choice at the end of the day."

James didn't thank him; he turned and left the room. As he walked upstairs, he heard his dad say to Erica, "Where do you think he got all those bruises? Gang fights, maybe?"

James lay face down on his bed, gripping the sheets with his fingers. It wasn't a pity relationship. He loved Kendall. He didn't care what they thought. He _didn't_ . . .

He was thinking this as he reached for the knife he kept hidden under the dresser. He kept repeating it as he went into his bathroom (one of his few privileges) and locked the door after him. Even as tears streamed down his cheeks when the blade slid across his tan skin, the thought still echoed through his mind. Blood dripped onto the tiled floor as he leaned against the wall for support.

_He means everything to me._


	5. Chapter 5

James couldn't help wondering. If Erica and his dad hadn't interrupted them, would Kendall have said "I love you too"? There was no way to know. The next day at school, Kendall was back to his shy, moody self. His dark clothing seemed to stand out even more. His bruises seemed to contrast with his pale skin even more than before.

"Hey," James greeted that morning at the lockers.

"Hi," Kendall mumbled back, not even looking at him.

"You ok?"

"I'm fine," Kendall replied shortly.

"You sure? You just seem kind of down—"

"I'm fine, James!" Kendall snapped, shutting his locker with a bang. "I'm just not in the mood to talk, ok?" With that, he turned and walked down the hallway, leaving James standing there in confusion and indignation.

After a few minutes of just standing there, he went to his first class.

Unfortunately, Kendall's mood didn't improve throughout the day, and suddenly by the afternoon, James had had enough. "What's your problem?" he asked angrily, once Kendall showed up at his locker. "You've been in a mood with me all day! If I did something to offend you just tell me!"

Kendall looked surprised. "Sorry, James. I just had a lot on my mind."

James sighed. "It's fine, I guess." He paused. "I guess I'm not really surprised."

"Excuse me?"

"You've been through a lot, y'know?"

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Kendall asked, trying to keep his voice calm and level.

"I just don't blame you for—"

"You don't _blame_ me?" Kendall was pissed off now.

"What are you getting so worked up about?" James demanded, slamming his locker shut.

"I don't want your _pity_! I don't want anyone's pity!"

"You're being stupid!" The words stung a lot more than Kendall expected, and he replied without thinking.

"Just go away and leave me alone!" Kendall instantly regretted saying it, but he wasn't going to back down. His pride wouldn't let him.

"Fine!" James snapped, not noticing the heads that turned to listen to their loud argument. "I will! Have a great life without me!"

"Don't worry, I will!"

"Fine!"

"FINE!"

Kendall stormed off in one direction, James went in another. Kendall was biting his lip as he left school and started walking home as fast as he could. Just willing himself not to break down in the middle of the street.

Thankfully he didn't; he was able to unlock the front door and go inside. He let out a shuddering breath and went up to his room. He sat at his desk and opened his backpack. Too bad homework was the last thing on his mind. He opened his English textbook on the page with the poem he was supposed to read, and suddenly his vision blurred.

"_You got Miss Lynch?"_

"_No."_

"_You're even luckier. She hates my guts."_

"_Nah. She probably thinks you're cute!"_

A tear landed on the page, right on top of the word 'gone'. He hadn't even paid attention in class, so he didn't know what this poem was about. He read through it quickly, then immediately wished he hadn't.

**(1)**_I didn't get a chance to say I love you.  
You were gone before we got that far.  
All I know is now I really need you,  
Yet when I look for you, you aren't there._

_You said once that you never would forget me,_  
_Yet how am I to know without you here?_  
_Such emptiness! Like what I feel within me:_  
_Neither flesh nor tears, just cold thin air._

_Sometimes, alone, I feel your arms around me,_  
_And all my need for you spills out in pain._  
_Jagged memories of you surround me._  
_I cannot think I won't see you again._

God, who had thought of that? Really, who would write about something like this?

Kendall felt more tears building up. In a sudden fit of anger he shoved the book and several other objects off his desk. They all landed on the floor with a crash, the book still hanging open on the same page. _All I know is now I really need you, yet when I look for you, you aren't there._

_I need you . . . but you aren't __**here**__ . . ._

Kendall, with his arms folded on his desk, rested his head on them and started to cry. He should've known it couldn't last. Some people just weren't meant to be happy.

This was ridiculous. What kind of sick universe decides that some people can be happy and others can't? That one person could live in a nice house with a big family and be happily married with kids by the time they were thirty, while others were stuck in a house getting beaten every night and losing the one person that made them happy? How was that fair?

It wasn't. But that was reality, and he was gonna have to try and deal with it. Despite how hard it was. There had been so many times when he'd considered just getting a knife out and ending it all. But he couldn't. He didn't want to leave Katie and his mom behind. And, if he was totally honest, he didn't think he had the guts to kill himself.

He didn't know how long he sat there for. It could've been hours, it could've only been a minute.

Kendall suddenly heard the doorbell and sat up, wondering who might be calling over. He didn't want to answer; he didn't want to see anybody. But the doorbell rang again, and he guessed whoever it was knew someone was home and wasn't gonna leave him be until he answered the door.

He dried his eyes and fixed his hair, which currently made him look like he'd been rolling around in a bush. He glanced in a mirror on his way downstairs; he didn't look much better.

He opened the door and was about to ask whoever it was what the hell they wanted, when he stopped in shock. It was James, looking shy but determined. "Hey, Kendall. I know you wanted me to leave you alone, and I said I would. But here's the thing." He paused, looking directly into Kendall's eyes. "I honestly can't."

Kendall stared for one second. Then he threw himself into James's arms, willing himself not to cry again. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry . . . I shouldn't've said that, it was stupid, I didn't mean it, I'm sorry . . ."

"Hey, it's not all your fault. I guess I should've thought about what I said a little more. Forgive me?"

Kendall nodded, face buried in James's chest. He looked up at James, drying his eyes as he said, "But it was my fault too. And I'm really sorry."

"Don't worry about it. It's over and done with now."

Kendall smiled at him. For the first time he noticed what James was holding in his free hand. "You brought me flowers?"

Yeah," James replied, handing them over. "I thought it might be a good idea . . . but if you don't like them I can—"

"I love them," Kendall said, cutting him off. "They're beautiful." He paused. "Hey, James . . ."

"Yeah?"

"I love you too."

James felt himself soaring high. He smiled at Kendall. "You don't know happy I am to hear that."

"I kinda do," he replied with a smile. "I felt it when you said you loved me."

James grinned, winding his arms around Kendall's waist and kissing him on the forehead. "I hope we never fight again."

"Me too. I hated it." Kendall pulled back slightly so he could look at James properly. "You wanna come inside for a bit?"

James was astounded. _Inside_ the house? But he nodded. "Yeah, sure. That'd be great."

Kendall stepped back and led James inside. He made his way into the kitchen. "I think there's a vase around here somewhere." He opened a few cupboards until he found it, and once the flowers were in a vase on the kitchen table, Kendall turned to James. "So . . . now what?"

James couldn't help chuckling. "You don't have people over very often, do you?"

"Never. I'm not supposed to." Kendall's eyes strayed downward. "And I've kind of learned to do what I'm told."

James was determined to direct Kendall's mind elsewhere. He slipped a finger under his chin and tilted his head up. "When people have friends over, they do things that friends do."

Kendall laughed. "That much is obvious."

"True." James rested his lips against Kendall's. "Anyway, since I'm your boyfriend, we do . . . different things."

James had his right hand on Kendall's back, then in one swift motion, he bent down and moved his left hand to the back of Kendall's knees, sweeping his legs out from under him and picking him up. He grinned at the surprised squeak Kendall let out as he found himself high up from the ground. He wound his arms around James's neck, kissing several spots on James's cheeks and nose. "I really love you now."

James grinned, eyes leaving Kendall's for a second so he could make his way out into the hallway. "I love you too." He looked in the direction of the stairs. "Which way?"

"Second door on the left," Kendall murmured, kissing James again. James found walking up the stairs with Kendall in his arms easy; he was lighter than he'd expected, though the kisses he was planting on his face made him dizzy with ecstasy.

Stumbling through the door, they landed in a heap on Kendall's bed, limbs tangled together as they kissed every inch of each other they could reach. Somehow they could get rid of all the hurt they'd both been feeling for such a long time. They could heal each other.

James had Kendall pinned underneath him at this point, kissing him eagerly as his hands moved downwards. They stopped at the waist of Kendall's jeans. Hands that he weren't sure belonged to him were tugging at the button, when he heard something that made him stop immediately.

"James . . . wait." Kendall took hold of James's wrists. "I . . . I don't want to. Not yet. I'm not ready."

James nodded slowly. He understood. He really did. "It's ok." He paused. "Maybe it's better if we wait anyway." He sat up and leaned against the headboard, pulling Kendall up with him. The blonde rested his head on his shoulder, curling up at his side.

"You're not mad at me?"

James almost smiled at the worried look on Kendall's face. "No way. I'd never get mad at you over something like that." He kissed the blonde on the forehead. "Never."

Kendall smiled at him. "Thanks." He sat up a little straighter, removing his head from James's shoulder. "So . . . how are things at home?"

James shrugged. "Ok, I guess. They've stopped nagging me about dating you; I think that's a good thing."

Kendall looked away. "I'm sorry. I know I'm not perfect."

"Hey, don't say that." James took his hand and squeezed it. "Besides, they only see the way you dress and the way you look. There's way more to you." He paused. "And to me. I bet if they looked past the surface for once, they'd understand."

Suddenly the door opened, and Kendall immediately snatched his hand back from James. A tall, broad-shouldered man was standing at the door. There was a look of cold fury in his eyes, though the rest of his face was empty of expression. James just knew who it was instantly. He felt anger bubbling up inside him. He wanted to just lift Kendall over his shoulder and run off with him, to get him away from this monster that caused him so much pain.

"Kendall." He kept his tone light, though anger was still radiating from him. "What have I told you about inviting people over?"

Kendall looked positively terrified. "I-I'm sorry. He was just leaving." He turned to look pointedly at James. "Weren't you?"

James nodded, letting Kendall pull him to his feet and start pushing him out the door. All the way down the stairs, James was sure he could hear Kendall's heart pounding. He reached the front door and opened it, turning to look at Kendall, who said, "See you tomorrow."

James nodded, eyes straying to where Mr Myers now had an iron grip on Kendall's arm, holing him back. "Bye, James," he said, blinking back frightened tears that James noticed. He swallowed, then turned and walked out the door, shutting it behind him.

Instead of leaving, he darted behind one of the bushes at the side of the house, and he listened. Praying he wouldn't hear anything, though he wasn't sure if that would be a good sign either.

Then he heard a shout, and froze. "How dare you disobey me? I told you not to bring anyone over here!"

He heard a horrible scream, and then, "I'm sorry! I-I forgot, I won't do it again!"

"You're a pathetic little liar!" Another scream.

And another. Then a sobbing voice. "S-stop it, I'm sorry, _please_!"

James was crying at this stage, sobbing breathlessly. The braver, less rational part of him wanted to storm back in there and take on Mr Myers singlehanded. The other part knew that this wouldn't really do any good. He couldn't save Kendall. He just didn't know how.

With tears flowing down his cheeks, he straightened up and shakily walked away, leaving Kendall behind.

**(1)'I didn't get a chance to say I love you' by Nicholas Gordon.**

**I found this really depressing. I'm sorry if the story doesn't seem like it's getting anywhere, I promise that it will. Though I should've mentioned before there's a lot of mindless sadness and fluffiness in this story. Please review! And go to my poll, double please!**


	6. Chapter 6

**This chapter isn't very good. It's definitely happier than the other chapters, and it's a little short. However, I hope you will ignore these liabilities and enjoy the chapter!**

James had never had many regrets. But now there was guilt eating away at his insides, guilt for letting Kendall take that beating from his father. Kendall didn't deserve it, nobody deserved that pain.

Someday he was going to stop it. Once he figured out a way to do it, he'd make Mr Myers pay for what he'd done.

Right now, however, he had something else on his mind. It was a while since that had happened. He was thinking about Logan. He was determined to try and regain their friendship. He was determined to try, anyway.

So one morning before classes started, James walked right up to Logan, who was standing at his locker, digging around inside for something. "Hey," he greeted, hoping this would suffice for now.

Logan turned to look at him. "Hi." He raised his eyebrows. "I never expected to see you again."

James grimaced. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I understand." He shut his locker, turning to face James. He opened his arms, a faint smile on his lips. "Can't I have a hug from my former best friend?"

James grinned, hugging Logan tightly. Memories suddenly came flooding back to him. Him hugging Logan when his cat had been run over. Them hugging on the first day of middle school. Logan hugging him all night when his mom had passed away . . .

"Are you crying?" Logan pulled back from the hug.

"No," James sniffled, drying his eyes with his sleeve. "I just missed you."

"I missed you too," Logan replied. "I've got all my math club friends, but they're not as much fun as you. Plus, they've never played hockey in their lives."

"What?" James was horrified at this. "I don't know how you survived." He paused. "Sit with me at lunch? Be my best friend again?"

"Sure."

James suddenly spotted someone over Logan's shoulder. Kendall was watching them from down the hallway. He smiled as their eyes met. James beckoned him over. "Hey, Logan, I want you to meet someone."

Logan turned to see who was coming over. "Logan, this is Kendall. He's . . ." He paused. Was he about to lose Logan all over again? "He's my boyfriend."

"Oh." Logan glanced at Kendall, who gave a shy smile. Then he suddenly turned back to James, laughing. "Well, it's about time you came out! I was waiting for this since you got that lucky comb!"

He turned back to Kendall, holding out his hand. "Nice to meet you. I'm Logan."

Kendall shook his hand, suddenly looking more confident. "I know. James told me about you."

"Oh yeah? What did he say?"

Kendall chuckled. "You're too smart for your own good."

Logan spun to glare playfully at James who just shrugged. "Well, it's true!"

Logan shrugged too. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

All three boys laughed and made their way down the hallway. James couldn't stop smiling.

Everything finally seemed to be working out. Erica and his dad weren't giving him a hard time anymore, although every now and then they gave him despairing looks. And they still ignored him a lot. But he had good friends, even though he hadn't known them that long. He had a great sister, who had phone the night before to tell him she was coming back to visit soon. He had the most perfect boyfriend in the whole world, and now he had his best friend back.

He could finally see light again.

At lunch, James sat down at a table with Carlos, Jo and Camille. James was practically an official member of this group, he just came and sat here every day. He did what he always did when he got here before Kendall; he watched the door, waiting for his boyfriend to arrive. This didn't happen often; they usually ended up walking to lunch together, or else Kendall got there first.

He saw Kendall walk into the cafeteria and make his way over to them. This wasn't a surprise to James; Kendall always either brought lunch with him, or he just didn't eat. He wondered if Logan would lecture him about his health. He'd done it to James plenty of times. It was annoying, but he meant well.

"Hi," James grinned as Kendall sat next to him. He wrapped his right arm around Kendall's shoulders and gave him a light kiss on the lips. Carlos made a gagging noise. "Seriously, do you have to do that _every single day?_ It's gross!"

"He means cute," Jo cut in, fiddling mindlessly with her drink. "Totally puke-worthy cute, but still cute. He's just not great at putting it into words."

"Carlos, one day you're gonna fall head over heels with someone, and we'll be gagging at you," Camille added.

"I hope that day is soon," Kendall remarked as he rested against James. "You'll be a lot happier." James's smile widened at this.

"Hey." James, Kendall and the other three looked up to see Logan standing there.

"Logan!" James pointed to the spot on his left side of the bench. "Sit."

He did, smiling in greeting at everyone. "Hi. Uh, I'm Logan. James's friend."

Jo and Camille smiled in greeting and introduced themselves. Carlos was staring.

A minute later, he was still staring.

Jo elbowed him in the ribs. "He's Carlos."

"Y-yeah," Carlos finally managed to stutter out. "I'm Carlos."

Camille started laughing. Five puzzled faces turned to look at her. "What's so funny?" Kendall asked.

"N-nothing, really," she giggled. "It's just . . . I think that someday is today."

While James, Kendall and Jo burst into laughter, Carlos was not amused. Logan was just confused.

**The only good things I can see about this chapter is that James and Logan are friends again, and the Cargan has started. However, I still don't think it's a good chapter. Please review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**This chapter is so short that I feel slightly ashamed of it. I feel like I've let everyone down with it. And it's happy, AGAIN! Ugh. Anyway, next chapter will be longer, and sad again.**

"So, do you play hockey?" Logan was asking Carlos.

"Yeah, I love hockey! Hence the reason for this helmet."

Logan laughed and Carlos grinned. Kendall glanced at Jo, who smirked at him. Could the two be any more obvious?

"How come I never noticed you on the team?" Logan was musing. "Well, now I'm looking forward to the next practice."

"Well, don't pay too much attention to me," Carlos joked. "Or coach may have to choke you."

"I'll do my best," Logan replied breezily, winking.

School ended, and James was slightly reluctant to say goodbye to Kendall. But he managed anyway, just about. He didn't like his boyfriend going home, not when that was there. That thing that was obviously insane enough to think it was okay to hit your own kid.

It was later when James went to the mall to get more man spray that he saw Kendall again. His mood immediately brightened when he saw the blonde standing near the smoothies stand with his back to him. Who really cared if it'd only been an hour or two since they'd last seen each other? He'd missed him like crazy.

James walked over to Kendall, smiling. He still hadn't noticed him, so James reached forward and put his hands over Kendall's eyes, effectively blindfolding him. "Guess who?"

"Hmm . . ." Kendall had started to laugh. "Camille?"

"Haha. Guess again."

"Oh." Kendall cleared his throat. "Look, Carlos, I'm sorry, but I can't do this to James anymore. If he knew what we were—"

James took his hands from over Kendall's eyes and grabbed him by the waist, lifting him into the air and spinning him around. "You're such a riot, Kendall." He held onto him tightly. "You better have been joking," he growled in his ear, earning a giggle from the blonde.

"Don't worry, I was," he replied lightly. "I'd never date Carlos. Besides, you know he's already nuts over your friend Logan anyway."

James chuckled. "So true." For the first time, he noticed the small girl approaching them with her arms folded and eyebrows raised.

Kendall stepped a little away from James and said, "This is my sister, Katie. Katie, this is James."

They both smiled in greeting at each other. Then Katie said, "So, James. My brother is sensitive, and if you break his heart I will hunt you down and—"

"Katie!" Kendall protested, blushing furiously.

James just laughed, winding his arms around Kendall again. "No worries. I have no intention of doing that. Ever."

"Oh, hello there."

The three turned, and James saw a small redhead woman with a puzzled smile on her face. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?"

Katie and Kendall's eyes went wide. "Er . . . um . . ." Kendall was looking at the floor.

Katie rolled her eyes. "He's Kendall's boyfriend, Mom. His name is James."

"Oh." She smiled and held out her hand. "Nice to meet you, James."

"You too, Mrs Myers," James replied with smile, shaking her hand. The difference between her and Kendall's father was almost overwhelming.

Mrs Myers smiled back. "I'd love to stay and chat, but I need to take these two home. You should stop by sometime."

James and Katie both noticed Kendall stiffen, even if his mother didn't. "Well, maybe," James said, smiling again. "See you soon."

**I am shamed. Please review . . .**


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm on a roll here! Lol thanks so much for the reviews, you guys made me feel way better about ma writing. I love you all! I've had this chapter half-written for ages, before I even started chaoter 5 or 6. I decided I'd finish it off tonight and post it. Hope you like it, though it is sadder than the last 2 chapters...**

James didn't really have much intention of going back to Kendall's house. After what had happened last time, he was unwilling. And no matter how nice Mrs Myers was, he couldn't help but resent her a little. How could she be so oblivious to what was going on in her own house? And it was worse if she did know what was going on, and wasn't doing anything about it.

Despite his loathing for this lack of consideration, James was happy. There was still those nights when the pressure was too much and his blood would drip down the drain again, but during the day there was a spring in his step.

But maybe it just wasn't meant to be. It started with a Sunday afternoon. Kendall and James were lying on a picnic blanket in the park, Kendall's head on resting on James's chest, his arm draped over James's waist, one leg draped over James's. James had both arms slung around Kendall's slim body, breathing softly into Kendall's hair as he caressed little circles in Kendall's sides.

As cheesy as it sounded, the sky was clear, the sun was shining and James felt a soothing summer breeze ruffling his hair as he smiled at nothing in particular. "This is such a good day," James sighed in spite of himself.

He felt the vibrations when Kendall laughed, before leaning up and kissing his jaw. "I agree. I love it out here." He snuggled closer to James. "I feel . . . I dunno, free."

He figured anyone who was assaulted by his family would feel free anywhere other than at home. However, he settled with pressing his lips to Kendall's hair and murmuring, "I know what you mean. I wish we could stay here forever."

It was just his luck that he felt a drop of rain land on his nose as soon as he finished the sentence. He sat up with a sigh, pulling Kendall up with him. "Wanna go back to mine? No one will be there."

"Ok, great." They both got to their feet. As they made their way back to the house, they ended up using the blanket as an umbrella and by the time they dashed through James's front door they were both breathless with laughter.

"You wanna watch a movie?" James asked, leading Kendall into the living room.

"Sure. Which one?"

"Whichever." James knelt on the floor next to the pile of DVDs in front of the TV. All neatly stacked. His dad was weird like that. After pondering for a few seconds, they were left with a sci-fi and a horror.

"Let's watch this one," Kendall said, picking up the horror.

"I thought you hated gory stuff," James said, puzzled.

"Oh, I do." Kendall smirked at James. "But I've got you here, so I'm all good."

James grinned at this, and quickly grabbed the DVD, putting it in the player and sitting down on the couch. Kendall sat next to him, folding his legs up and curling up with his head on James's shoulder. James wound an arm around Kendall's shoulder, grinning to himself.

The movie was half ignored; at least every twenty minutes James would tilt Kendall's chin up and kiss him. James loved this movie, though. He'd always had a thing for gory horror stuff. It was only better when Kendall was here with him, especially since Kendall buried his face in James's chest through all the scary parts. The movie eventually ended, but Kendall didn't move from his place snuggled up to James. "You know," James murmured in his ear. "If my dad gets home and sees us it may be very awkward. We should go upstairs."

Kendall didn't reply, he just held onto James tighter. James chuckled and grabbed Kendall by the waist, standing up and lifting him over his shoulder. "Let's go, blondie! I hoped I wouldn't have to do this."

Kendall giggled hysterically as James hurried up the stairs, carrying him like a fire-fighter as he kicked the door open and all but threw him onto his bed. Kendall landed on his back, laughing harder as James sat next to him and started tickling him. Kendall squealed as James tickled the sensitive skin of his sides, then without warning, grabbed James by the sides of his face and kissed him. James sighed and kissed back, momentarily distracted.

Kendall pulled James down on top of him, kissing at his neck. James moaned at the sensation, shivers running up and down his spine as he felt Kendall's fingers under his shirt. But when Kendall's hands gripped the hem of the shirt and started to pull it off, James reached out and took his hands in his own. "Kendall, what are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Kendall asked, keeping his tone light. But James could detect the nerves underneath.

"Kendall, I don't want to make you do anything you don't wanna do."

"I . . . I want to do this," Kendall said firmly, pulling James's shirt off the rest of the way. "I'm ready, really I am. I want you."

"I want you too," James murmured, deciding not to argue anymore. He was so eager to get Kendall's t-shirt off that he ripped the sleeve in two. He stared at it for a second. "Oh. Um. I just ripped your shirt. I'm sorry . . ."

"It's just a shirt," Kendall grinned, winding his arms around James's neck and pulling him in for another passionate kiss. James kissed him back, hands moving to Kendall's jeans and quickly opening them. Kendall did the same to James's pants right before they kissed again. Then they got ready for what was about to come.

When a tear slid down Kendall's cheek, James kissed it away. He wanted Kendall to know how he loved him, how his life had been dark and cold before she'd shown up. Putting all that into words was a lot harder than showing him. Even as they finished, James kept his eyes locked with Kendall, saying whatever he could with that one gaze as they curled up in each other's arms, once they'd come down from the high of what they'd just done.

James couldn't help but notice how perfectly they fit together. There were no limbs sticking out at awkward angles, and he noticed. Kendall's head was resting on his shoulder, his hands on James's biceps, his legs folded on either side of James's waist. He lifted his head a little. "I love you, Jamie."

"I love you, Kenny." James pressed his lips to his hair. "So, so much."

Kendall smiled at him, and James wondered how he could be so beautiful. It seemed almost impossible to him. Then Kendall looked at the clock on James's bedside locker, his smile faltering. "Shit. I really need to go." He sat up and hopped off the bed, reaching for his clothes and pulling them on a rapid pace. James got up and did the same. "I'll walk you home. Do you think your parents will be mad?"

"I hope not," Kendall murmured, pulling his jacket on. He knew what that would mean for him. They left James's house and walked quickly. Kendall prayed his dad wouldn't be home, although if there was one thing he'd learned, it was that praying never did him any good. Kendall stopped James when they got to his front porch. "I'll see you tomorrow, I guess." He kissed him goodbye and hurried inside, shutting the door behind him. He decided to take the silence as a good thing, taking his jacket off and hanging it on the end of the stairs. He went into the living room, and then stopped short. His dad was sitting there, reading the paper.

He looked up at Kendall. But then he kept looking. "What the heck happened to your shirt?"

For a second terror completely took over, and all Kendall could think about was running for the door. Then he managed to stutter out, "Uh . . . I dunno, it must've r-ripped on something . . ."

His dad stood up, eyes wild. "What, did your neck rip off something too?"

Kendall's hand automatically flew up to cover the hickey on the side of his neck. He hadn't realised how noticeable it was. "I . . . I . . ."

"You had sex didn't you?" Kendall had never seen his dad liked this. He'd never looked so furious before. He took a step towards Kendall. "Didn't you?"

"N-no, I didn't . . . you know I wouldn't . . ." Then he made the mistake of stepping back.

"Don't lie to me!" A fist slammed into Kendall's cheek, and for a second the yelling was blocked out. Then he felt the pain. And he was so scared he thought his heart just might stop. His dad was yanking him upstairs by the hair. Both of them were screaming and yelling.

"You're a little slut! Are you trying to ruin me?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, I swear!"

"Do you throw yourself at every fucker you see?"

"Let go of me!"

He did, throwing Kendall against the wall before picking him up by the front of his T-shirt. He was shaking him violently, slamming him against the wall repeatedly. He was practically frothing at the mouth as he shook him harder. Then suddenly he stopped, eyes narrowed. "It was that _James_ kid wasn't it?" he hissed in Kendall's ear, holding him firmly in place when he struggled to get away. "He forced you into it, didn't he?" Maybe there was still some hope. Maybe his son wasn't a complete disgrace.

But Kendall wasn't a liar, and he finally whimpered out, "It—it wasn't like that . . ."

"You fag!" his dad yelled, eyes wide with shock as he shoved Kendall onto the floor.

If Kendall had been scared before, now he was terrified.

The house almost echoed with the screams and shouts that followed. The screams were wild, full of pain and fear. The shouts were angry, bellowing insults as the screaming continued. Thumps could be heard as the shouts and screams got louder. Yelling curses, screaming for help. But there was nobody else around. Then suddenly, everything fell silent.

Mr Myers walked downstairs, his fists clenched, his jaw set. The stupid fag deserved what he got.

* * *

Kendall wasn't in school the next day, and James noticed. He was confused. Maybe he was sick? James missed him. He sat with Logan, Carlos and the girls at lunch. He could see how close Logan and Carlos were getting, but his mind was elsewhere. As soon as he got the chance, he pulled out his phone and sent a quick text. _R u sick?_

He didn't get anything back.

Kendall wasn't in school on Tuesday, and James noticed. This time he called him at lunch. It went straight to voicemail, much to his frustration. So he left a message. "Hey, it's James. Are you sick or something? I miss you." He paused. "Uh . . . call me when you get this, ok? Bye."

He didn't call back.

Kendall wasn't there on Wednesday, and James noticed. He was getting worried. True, Kendall had had been out of school a few days in a row before, but this time James just had a bad feeling in the gut. This only got worse when he called Kendall and it went straight to voicemail, again.

"Hi, it's me again. Are you ok? I'm worried about you. Just . . . call me, alright?"

On Thursday, Kendall wasn't in either. Now things were getting weird, and James couldn't help but wonder why Kendall wouldn't answer his calls. When he called again, what he said in his message was, "Are you mad at me or something? Look, whatever I did, I'm sorry. But I'm really worried now. So, yeah. You know the drill by now."

On Friday, James was raging. Why wouldn't Kendall talk to him? He was both worried and annoyed. This time, however, he didn't call Kendall. He had another plan in mind.

He was momentarily distracted when Logan ran up to him, yelling, "James James James, you'll never guess what!"

"Hmm?" James turned to look at him. "What is it?"

"Carlos asked me out, like two minutes ago! This is the _best day ever!_"

James smiled and tried to be happy for him, but it only made him think of how worried he was about Kendall. Throughout the entire day, he could think of nothing but seeing his boyfriend again and getting to the bottom of this.

He got home, did his homework and waited. And waited. And just for some change, waited some more. When his watch read 11:30pm and he was sure his family was asleep, he sneaked downstairs and out of the house. The walk to Kendall's was quick, and the fast pace he was moving at kept him warm. He finally reached Kendall house, walking straight towards the window he knew was Kendall's.

He thanked his lucky stars there was a tree outside Kendall's bedroom window. Teeth clenched in determination, James started to climb. It wasn't long before he was crouching on a bench level with Kendall's window. He peered through the glass. The curtains were open, and through the dark he could just see a figure curled up on the bed at the other end. He reached out and tapped on the window with his knuckles, praying he wouldn't wake anyone else up.

After knocking a second time, Kendall sat up and turned around to look at him with wide, scared eyes. He'd never looked at James like that before. Ever. Kendall threw back the comforter and got up, walking overt to the window and opening it. "What are you doing here?" he whispered, looking terrified. "If my dad catches you—"

"I had to see if you were ok," James replied. "Can I come in?"

"I guess so." Kendall stood back and allowed James room to climb into the room.

Suddenly James noticed the bruises tainting Kendall's pale face. They looked worse than they ever had before, as his the bruises covering his arms and neck. "What's up?" James asked, trying to turn his attention away from his boyfriend's injuries. "You haven't been in school all week. I tried calling you, but . . ."

"I'm sorry about that." He paused. "I need to talk to you," Kendall said in a small voice.

"Ok. What about?" James sat on the chair at his desk, waiting.

"I don't . . . um, I-I don't think we should do this anymore."

James looked up in shock. "What? Are you breaking up with me or something?"

"I'd like to say 'or something', but that would be a lie," Kendall replied quietly. James got to his feet. "Why?" he asked almost desperately.

Kendall looked at the floor. "I don't know how to say it . . ." He swallowed, still refusing to meet James's eyes. "He found out, James."

James didn't have to ask who 'he' was. He knew perfectly well. "When?"

"Sunday night, after I said goodbye to you. It was my fault; I thought nobody was home, and I forgot about the shirt and the hickey on my neck, but he noticed and he got mad at me . . ." All James could do was stare as he continued. "At first he was just yelling in my face that I wasn't to go around sleeping with 'every hooker I saw' but then he figured out that it wasn't a girl I slept with at all, and then he got really mad." He lifted the T-shirt he was wearing, and James thought he might actually throw up. There was all the both new and old bruises, but what really shocked him was the long cuts across his stomach. They formed a shape. Or letters, really. Just three.

_F A G._

"Kendall . . . I didn't know. I'm so sorry; if I knew this would happen I never would've . . ." James couldn't talk anymore. He was shaking too hard.

"It's not your fault; it's mine. I wasn't careful enough." Kendall finally looked up. "James, if he finds out that I'm still seeing you I seriously don't know what he'll do. And . . . if I'm not around to hit anymore, he's gonna start on my sister. I can't let him do that." He dropped his shirt back down to cover the marks. "I can't."

"You can't just let him push you around—"

"I've been locked in here for five days, James!" Kendall was glaring at him now. "He took my phone and locked me in here. Every time you called or texted, he came in and hit me. He only let me out for ten minutes a day. If I don't do what he says, he's gonna do things like this to Katie! Wouldn't you do the same for your sister?"

"Yeah, but . . ." He stopped. "So, you're giving up . . . it's totally over for us?"

"What do you want me to say?" Kendall asked. He was close to tears, and James noticed. "Do you want me to lie, and say that I don't love you? That I'm breaking up with you because I want to? That meeting you wasn't the best thing that ever happened to me . . ."

James took the blonde in his arms. "No, that's not what I want you to say. I think Katie has the most amazing brother in the world . . ." He couldn't say anything else, because Kendall had kissed him softly. Just for a second, before he pulled away again. "I'm sorry, James," he whispered, a single tear sliding down his cheek. James reached up and brushed it away, wishing he could just make all the pain go away. Then they both heard a creak from the other side of the bedroom wall, both of their heads snapping towards the sound. "You need to go," Kendall murmured, pushing James back towards the window. "Before you do, will you promise me something?"

"Sure. What is it?"

"Will you try to stop cutting? Like, completely?" James looked at him with wide eyes. They'd never spoken openly about the cutting or the beating. But he nodded. "I promise." He pushed the window back open. He took one last unhappy glance at the blonde boy watching him, before climbing back out into the cold night.

Would things ever get better?

**I watched the ad for Big Time Break Up and cried! I'm pathetic. But Kendall looked so sad... I personally don't like the pairing Jendall at all, but I know I'll be crying my eyes out for most of that episode. Anyway, please review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**I don't think much of this chapter, even it's just mindless like I prefer in this story. I'm confused. :/ **

When Katie walked into her brother's room, he was sitting at his desk, a thick black marker in hand. He was doodling on his arm. On his tattoo, she realised. Filling in the gaps between the broken ends of the chain, joining it all together. Slavery, she remembered. She felt her heart shatter, but this was almost a daily occurrence.

"What are you doing?" Katie asked, looking over his shoulder.

"Fixing this," he replied quietly, putting the cap back on the marker. "There. Done."

Katie felt tears building in the corner of her eye and brushed them away angrily. "You're gonna get ink poisoning, Big Brother."

"No I won't. It's just a couple of lines." Kendall sniffled, wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

Both siblings could literally feel the tension in the room. And the mourning. It was only a matter of seconds before one of them broke down. Katie knew this.

"Kendall . . . you . . ." She swallowed. "You can't do this to yourself. When are you just going to admit that you deserve to be happy and that your life is totally unfair, and that you should let me do something about it?"

"I know my life isn't fair," Kendall replied, barely above a whisper. "But that's just the way it is. I can't do anything about it."

"Yes, you can! For God's sake, Kendall, stop just sitting back and accepting everything! Fight back for once! Or at least—"

"Katie." Katie stopped. Her brother's eyes were full of tears. "Please leave me alone."

Katie sighed. "Ok. Fine." She left the room and shut the door. Only a few seconds had passed before she could hear muffled sobbing. A large, salty tear slid down her own cheek. This time she didn't bother to stop it, and sat down on the floor, back against the wall.

Why was she so helpless?

* * *

James couldn't stand it. The lingering glances in the hallways, the longing between the both of them. But Kendall didn't talk to him, didn't go near him. James had drifted back away from the group, becuase if he ever sat with them, Kendall just didn't turn up, or went and sat by himself. James didn't like to see that. Carlos, Jo, Logan and Camille didn't understand the specifics of the situation, but they knew somethingf had happened between the two. so in the end, Carlos and Logan sat with James (Carlos and Logan had naturally arranged their seating together) and Kendall sat with the girls.

James didn't know how long this went on for. Maybe a week, maybe ten days, maybe a month. Every single day he was tempted to cut. But he'd promised he wouldn't, so he didn't. It was all unbearable.

Then one day, James was going for a walk to try and clear his head, when he saw Kendall walking home. He didn't know where from, but that didn't matter.

"Hi," James said. Kendall barely smiled, eyes on the sidewalk as he walked passed. James turned around in panic, not wanting him to leave so soon. "Um . . ." He had a brainwave. "What happened to your face?"

Kendall stopped and turned around with wide eyes. For a second he looked totally lost and confused. Then he seemed to catch on. "I fell down the stairs," he replied. James was surprised. Kendall had always spoken quietly, but now he was almost whispering. "What happened to your hands?"

James walked up to him as he said, "Fell down the stairs."

Kendall swallowed. "M-maybe we should stay away from stairs."

"Well, I guess we should use elevators from now on. Do you like elevator music?"

Kendall smiled through his tears. "I hate it."

James smiled back. "Wow, you too?"

He saw Kendall's lips part as he let out a shaky breath, then suddenly Kendall's arms were thrown around his neck, and their lips were slammed together. James practically fell onto the grass by the sidewalk, back against a tree as he pulled Kendall onto his lap.

Kendall's lips were so soft and warm against his, it was intoxicating. And James didn't know if he'd ever get to do this again, he wanted to enjoy it, to take his time. But the smell of Kendall—black coffee and cinnamon—was dimming his senses and all he could think about was keeping Kendall there forever, as his, never letting another human being touch him again. Ever.

Then James pulled back slightly, having caught sight of something. He took hold of Kendall's arm, staring at his tattoo. They had faded, but there were faint black lines connecting the ends of it together. "Oh, Kendall." He didn't know what else to say, even as Kendall started shaking weakly. Instead, James pulled Kendall closer, holding him so there was no space between their bodies.

James found he couldn't breathe. But it wasn't the same breathless feeling from when he'd first met Kendall. The feeling of flying so high there was a lack of proper air, his heart pounding so hard and so fast it was like some kind of endless hum. Now, it hurt to breathe, it just hurt to live. His chest and heart ached, and his head throbbed. A razor would bring such relief right now. But he'd promised. He couldn't do it. He wouldn't give in.

Kendall's arms were wound around James's waist, his face buried in James's shoulder. James could feel him trembling as he held him close, breathing in his scent for as long as he could. But eventually Kendall looked up at him, eyes gleaming with unshed tears. "I should go," he whispered. "I'll be in trouble if I'm late."

James didn't want him to leave. But he swallowed and said, "Ok."

Kendall got up off the grass, standing up. "Goodbye," he said, still quietly, before turning and hurrying away.

James watched him go, then sat there for another ten minutes afterward, staring up at the sky trying to visualise every detail of his lost love. He found he couldn't. The images were too dim.

Kendall walked away, his heart breaking all over again. He shouldn't have done that. It only made it hurt more when he said goodbye.

**I was originally gonna put more in this chapter. Oh, well. XD Please review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Too short, again. Next chapter will be longer though, and sadly will also be the last.**

Kendall walked home with shaky legs, managing to hold the remaining tears in as he walked into the empty house. He trudged upstairs, each footstep heavier than the last. It wasn't fair. Why did he have to love James so much? It just made him hurt. Hurt almost in a good way. He walked into the bathroom, grabbing a washcloth and covering it in soap and water. He started scrubbing at his tattoo, gritting his teeth in determination. He scrubbed and rubbed at it until the marker lines were completely gone.

Giving a small smile of satisfaction, he dried his arm off and left the bathroom. He walked into the hallway to see his father standing there, face expressionless. Still, that didn't mean anything anymore. "When did you get home?" his father asked.

"On time," Kendall replied in a monotone.

"Any stops on the way home?"

_He knows!_ Kendall's thoughts screamed. But he managed to keep calm and replied, "No."

His dad actually laughed. "Ok, Kendall." He stepped closer, but Kendall didn't dare back away. "I saw you, you know. I'm not stupid."

Kendall froze. When his dad started yelling curses and insults at him, he still couldn't move his feet. Then suddenly his dad was inches away from him, his fist raised. Kendall turned and ran, but he didn't get far before his dad grabbed him and threw him against the wall. "You deliberately disobeyed me!"

"I didn't mean to—"

Mr Myers punched Kendall in the cheek, knocking him back onto the floor, before pulling him back down and punching him again. "That's always your pathetic excuse! I've had it with you! You make me sick!"

"Please," Kendall sobbed. "Please don't . . ."

"Shut the fuck up!" Mr Myers screamed, kicking Kendall in the stomach. Kendall fell onto the floor, whimpering in pain. "You're useless! I thought I knocked the fag out of you, but you're obviously too fucking _stupid_ to fix yourself! Do you think I wanna have you as a son?" He kicked Kendall again and again. "You're a disgrace!"

"No I'm not," Kendall dared to whisper at the floor.

"What did you say?" Mr Myers demanded, eyes wild.

"I'm not a disgrace," Kendall repeated, sobbing with fear but suddenly determined to speak up. "And I'm n-not useless . . ."

Mr Myers grabbed Kendall by the back of his shirt, hauling him to his feet. He stared him in the eyes, face reddening. "Hmm, looks like you've got spunk after all," he said. The fact that he wasn't yelling just made it more frightening. "We can't have that, can we?"

If Kendall had been scared before, now he was terrified. When he screamed, Mr Myers slammed a hand over his mouth. "You're not getting away without punishment, fag. Not this time."

* * *

James couldn't get that moment out of his head. He wanted to hold and kiss Kendall again so desperately. But Kendall wasn't in school the last two days of that week, and James wondered if his ex was going to more extreme means to avoid him, or if something was really wrong.

He didn't know what to do. If he went to Kendall's house to see if he was alright, his dad would spot him and if Kendall was ok, he certainly wouldn't be then. But if something was wrong and he didn't investigate . . . Kendall might . . .

_Don't think like that. How can you stop cutting if you keep thinking of such depressing subjects?_

But James couldn't help it. By Friday night, he was having nightmares of running into the Myers house to see Kendall lying on the floor or hanging from the ceiling, covered in blood, neck hanging limply. Another dream consisted of him spotting Kendall in the distance with his back turned, and running towards him, turning him around only to find that it wasn't Kendall at all, it was his dad. He was laughing manically, holding a bloody plaid shirt in his hands, and then James would hear Kendall screaming right before he woke up. It was horrible.

James was just sitting on his bed thinking of Kendall that Saturday afternoon, wishing he could do something to help. Why was he so hopeless? Then suddenly he couldn't take it anymore. James leaped off his bed and dug around in his drawer for the razor, pulling it out with a relieved sigh. He yanked his shirt off and rested the razor against his stomach. He was about to draw it across his stomach when he heard the doorbell. James sighed, dropping the razor on the bed and putting his shirt back on. He walked downstairs toward the door, opening it. "Hi," he said dully, then opened his eyes slightly when he saw who it was. "Katie?"

"Hi," the smaller girl replied, looking unhappy and uncomfortable. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure." James forgot about cutting. Why was Kendall's sister here?

The bad feeling overcoming his senses only increased when Katie said, "Do you love Kendall?"

"So much. More than anything."

"Then . . . I need your help. I think you're my last hope."

**REVIEWS! XD Thank you!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Last chapter! so I made a real effort, lol XD Hope you like!**

"What do you mean I'm your last hope?" James asked, brow furrowed in confusion and worry.

Katie gulped. "Um, well, last Wednesday, you know, three days ago, I came home and Kendall wasn't there. Dad said he sent him off to live with our uncle for a while. He said he was sick of the sight of him. So anyway, about an hour ago, I called our uncle so I could talk to Kendall, because he wasn't answering his phone. And my uncle Ian . . . he had no idea what I was talking about, because Kendall wasn't there." Katie sniffled, wiping her eyes. "_He wasn't there!_Dad said that's where he went but now I don't know! I don't know what Dad did to him!" Then she burst into tears.

James did the only thing he could think of and pulled her into a hug, letting her cry into his chest. He was struggling not to break down himself. What had happened to Kendall? If that monster had hurt him—

"I'll help you. I don't know how, but I will. I think the first thing to do would be to go to your house. Is your dad there?"

"I think so. Yeah. But what can we do?"

They were interrupted by the front door opening and Erica walking in. "Hello," she greeted half-heartedly. "Who's that?"

"Her name's Katie," James answered quickly, starting to walk past Erica towards the door, Katie following.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Out," James replied in a 'duh' voice.

"Where?"

"Um . . ." James really had no idea why he was so hesitant to tell her. Maybe it was just because he hated her, but he had a feeling it ran deeper than that. Whatever, that wasn't important right now.

"Well if you won't tell me, why should I let you go out?" Erica asked, a cruel smirk on her face.

"Erica—"

"You're staying right here."

"No, I'm not!" James stormed past her. "You don't understand, Erica. I have to go find Kendall."

"Who?" Erica's nose wrinkled in disgust as she remembered. "That tattooed freak?"

"Don't you dare call him that!" James shouted furiously. "I have to go help him! He could be lying in a ditch somewhere, or . . . something."

"Why, his gang turn on him or something?"

"His . . . what?" Suddenly James's anger got the better of him. "Look, whatever stupid twisted crap is going through your head, you can't tell me what to do! I'm going to help him, _right now!_"

James stormed out of the house, feeling slightly satisfied for a moment. He and Katie hurried down the street in the direction of the house. As they walked, James pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialled a number, praying they'd pick up.

He was lucky. _"Hello?"_

"Carlos! Hi, I need a favour. Could you maybe call your dad and tell him he's needed at Kendall's house? Tell him it's really, really important. No, I can't explain why right now, but I promise you I will. Ok, thank you." He hung up.

"What good is that gonna do?" Katie asked as the Myers' house came into view.

"Carlos's dad is a police officer," James replied briefly as Katie led him around to the back door. "I think he can help us."

Katie led him inside quietly. "So that was your plan? To get a cop over here?"

"Well, yes and no. I kind of just improvised," James said with a shrug.

Then suddenly, they could hear footsteps. And Mr Myers appeared in the kitchen. His eyes narrowed spitefully. "What the fuck are you doing here?" His voice raised. "Why did you bring him here, Katie?"

"Because I want to know what happened to my brother!" Katie snapped, fear evident in her voice.

"I already told you, your uncle Ian—"

"You're a liar!" Katie yelled. "I called him, I know Kendall's not there!"

Then there was a loud knocking on the front door. "Open up, this is the police! You have thirty seconds to open this door, or we'll break it down!"

Mr Myers turned on James and Katie furiously. "You called the cops on me?"

Neither of them replied, but Katie dashed past him towards the door, opening it to let Mr Garcia in. James saw he'd brought another man with him and smiled with relief. "Time to start talking, Mr Myers," Mr Garcia said coldly. "We have your daughter here, ready to give a statement. You'd better start talking."

Katie explained clearly, everything she'd told James. All the while, Mr Myers glared at her with such hatred it made James feel sick. Why bother having children to treat them this way?

Afterwards, the policeman turned to Mr Myers, arms folded. "Where did you take him?" Mr Garcia demanded. "Answer me right now, and we might go easy on you!"

Mr Myers didn't say anything for a second. Then he just rolled his eyes and laughed madly, replying, "The dump. That's where you take trash, isn't it?"

So Mr Garcia, after attempting to get more information from the man, called some backup, some to come and take this guy away, the others to come to the dump with him to find Kendall. "I'm going with you," James said as he followed him from the house.

"What? James, you're a child, and this is police business—"

"I don't care! I'm gonna help look for him, and you can't stop me!"

Mr Garcia sighed, then mumbled, "I'd better not take the heat for this," then said aloud, "Get in the car."

When they arrived at the dump, it took Mr Garcia about five minutes to talk to someone who worked there, grab a couple of flashlights from the trunk of his car and wait for the other policemen. Once they arrived, they and a few workers set off. They split up, intent on finding the boy who'd been left God knows where in this huge place.

"Kendall!" James called, searching is area with the flashlight. "Can you hear me? KENDALL!"

They searched for a good thirty minutes; the place was huge and none of them had caught sight of anything. But they couldn't stop, they couldn't give up. Kendall was lying here somewhere, probably badly hurt. Why hadn't they asked Mr Myers for a more specific location?

Suddenly James caught sight of something. A leg. He stumbled forward, falling to his knees in front of it. That van was so familiar. It was attached to a body half buried in crumpled newspapers and plastic bags. James's hands shot out and started grabbing the rubbish with shaking fingers, tossing it over his shoulders. He was suddenly met with the bruised and bloody face of Kendall Myers.

"I found him!" James shouted in the direction of the other flashlights. He turned and hurriedly finished pulling the garbage off Kendall. He was lying still. Eyes shut, lips parted. His arms were tied behind his back, and his left leg was bent at an odd angle. His right leg was tied to a weight by a rope. James couldn't understand why, but then he realised Mr Myers had wanted to leave Kendall here, with one leg broken and the other weighed down.

_Did he really just leave him here to __**die?**_James thought in horror. He was trying to get his head around this when he actually realised that Kendall was just lying there and he wasn't moving! James reached a shaking hand forward and slid his arm under Kendall's waist, lifting him up slightly and pulling him closer. First he pulled the cord off from around his wrists, then he rested a hand on his neck, feeling frantically for a pulse. He felt something very faint. But when he noticed Kendall shivering weakly, he also noticed a faint blue tinge to his skin and lips. And he panicked.

He shrugged his jacket off and wrapped it around the unconscious boy's shoulders. He knew it wouldn't do much good, but at least it was something. Then, finally, Mr Garcia appeared next to him, followed by one or two other men. James was shocked to see that even the police were shaken at the sight of this. Mr Garcia pushed James aside, kneeling in front of Kendall. He started trying to revive him, holding him by the shoulders, speaking to him, trying to help even his breathing. Meanwhile another policeman was freeing his leg and making something to keep the broken one in place. As he lifted the leg, Kendall's eyes opened and he screamed, much to the surprise of everyone around him. He kept screaming hoarsely, trying to squirm away from the hands struggling to hold him down.

His hands shot out from behind his back, his fingers clawing at Mr Garcia's face as he screamed and sobbed. The man recoiled as one of Kendall's nails left a long gash across his cheek, blood trickling down and dripping off his chin as he resumed his attempts to calm the boy down. "Kendall, stop it. Listen to me, Kendall!"

Kendall didn't, he just kept thrashing around, hitting out at them, though he didn't even seem to have the strength to do it for much longer. James did the only thing he could think of. He dived forward and wrapped his arms around Kendall waist from behind, pinning his arms to his sides at the same time and effectively restraining the top half of his body. He still kicked with his good leg, weeping and trying to struggled out of James's arms. "Don't hurt me, please!" he managed to sob hoarsely, still shivering with the cold. "No, LET GO!"

There were tears falling down James's face too as he just held him tighter against his chest. This only worsened when he could see Kendall's struggles getting slower and weaker, until he stopped altogether, lying there limply. He still cried, and yelled or screamed if they touched him anymore. But the shivering had worsened, and they knew they had to get him somewhere warm, and fast.

James did the only thing he could think of; he was never good under this kind of pressure. He pressed a firm kiss to Kendall's cold neck and cheek and spoke loudly in his ear, "Kendall, I love you. Please, just listen to us!"

Kendall froze up, lips trembling. His eyes were wide and blank, and James could see his breathing was faltering. But they took the silence as a green light, and the policemen quickly grabbed hold of him, lifting him up and carrying him in the direction of the car. James followed them quickly, and got into the backseat when they placed Kendall there. He held the blonde's head and shoulders in his lap and wrapped him up in the blanket Mr Garcia handed him. He also gave him a flask of water. "He needs to drink something; he's dehydrated."

James took the drink and held Kendall up slightly, parting his lips and tilting the drink forward. He gagged slightly as he struggled to swallow it. He was shuddering violently, face violently pale. James held him close, hoping he might be able to send some of his body heat into the blonde. For the first time he noticed other damages to his boyfriend's body. Large scratches, bite marks on his neck. His bottom lip was torn badly, the lip ring missing. He could only guess that his father had probably ripped it off him.

When they got to the hospital, one of the policemen ran inside and came back out wheeling a gurney. They lifted Kendall onto it and brought him inside. James followed them anxiously, but was stopped by a nurse when he tried to follow them down the hallway. "Son, you need to stay—"

James ignored her and hurried after them. He didn't care about any stupid rules; he had to find out what had happened, he had to hear what the doctors said. Nothing else mattered. But he wasn't allowed inside the ward, none of them were. And he couldn't even see inside. The other men left, and James was left sitting in a chair in the hallway next to Mr Garcia. It was a half an hour before a doctor emerged from the ward to speak to them. They both leaped to their feet.

"Well?" James said desperately.

The doctor began to speak. "Well, the clearest would be that his left leg is broken, quite badly. He's severely bruised and even though we checked and we confirmed he's alright, there was a very large chance of internal bleeding. His lip is torn, we managed to stitch that up, as well as other cuts he had. He's been suffering from severe hypothermia and dehydration, and it's clear he hasn't eaten in a couple of days withers."

"Anything else?" Mr Garcia asked.

The doctor looked like he didn't want to continue, but he did. "There are signs of sexual trauma," he said in a sad voice. "The traces of semen were run through a DNA test, and there are thirteen alleles in common, which indicates it was a parent. His father, obviously."

James had to fight the tears threatening to fall. That bastard had raped Kendall; why would he do that? First of all, it was so sick, and wrong. And it didn't even make sense.

"He's been severely beaten, one of the worse abuse cases I've seen in a while," the doctor was saying. "And judging by the rape kit, I'd say it was his father who did it. We don't have an obvious reason . . ."

"He's gay," James said before he could stop himself. "His dad, he really didn't like that. Didn't you see what's written on his stomach?"

"Ah, well. That makes sense," the doctor nodded his head. "Some homophobes . . . it's as if they want to scare the gay out of them by, well . . . that's what happened here. That's the most likely reason, but nobody can really tell." He paused thoughtfully. "He'll recover from his injuries. Physically, at least." He sighed. "Mentally, I'm not sure. I think it's effected him really seriously; he won't speak to anyone, he's lashed out as us several times, we had to tie him down. And he's acting extremely paranoid to, well, everything. Sound and touches."

Then came the next question. "Can we see him?"

The doctor shook his head. "Given his . . . er, lack of mental stability, we'd prefer to keep people out for now. And we're still getting him warm, we're going to try and get him to eat something in a little while. We'd just prefer if he was left alone, for now."

So James trailed home, knowing staying there wouldn't do any good. He called to Kendall's house on the way home to speak to Katie. When she opened the door, he saw worried tears in her eyes, her mother standing behind her with the same expression.

"What happened?" Katie asked desperately.

"He's in the hospital right now. They're, uh, not allowing visitors, so you'll have to ask about him tomorrow." He sighed. "They said, he'll recover. Maybe not completely, but . . ." He swallowed. "I'm gonna go. Bye."

He finished walking home. When he unlocked the front door and walked in, he was greeted with the sight if his dad and Erica standing there, arms folded and looking stern. He sighed. Walking away from them would just get him in worse trouble. So he stopped, and folded his arms too. "Yes?"

"Where were you?" his dad demanded. "Erica told me you just wandered off without her permission. Something about Kendall."

"She would tell you, wouldn't she?" James muttered. Then he said aloud, "I was helping him."

"With what?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, it does!" His dad looked furious. "I'm so sick of this! Ever since you started seeing that . . . thing, you've been lying and sneaking off all the time, talking back and giving me attitude! I won't have it!"

"I've always been like this, you just haven't noticed," James replied quietly. He just didn't care anymore.

"See? That's exactly what I mean!" Then he gritted his teeth, and said it. "You can't see him anymore. I forbid you."

At first James couldn't believe what he was hearing. He thought he must be imagining it. Then he managed to get out, "Y-you can't do that."

"Oh, sure he can," Erica said, smiling sweetly.

"No!" Then James was yelling. "He makes me happy, and I'm not gonna stop seeing him! He's not who you think he is; he's smart, and he's kind, and he's scared! He's just afraid, that's why he acts that way! And I love him, the way he is!"

His dad sighed. "You're sixteen; you're too young for all that!"

"Am I? All I know is that I never wanna leave him, I wanna be with him forever. For the last three years I've been completely miserable, then he just came along and everything got better!"

"You're a teenager, all teenagers are miserable," was his reply.

James couldn't stand it. So he rolled up his shirt sleeve and showed them his scars. "Am I supposed to be this miserable? Am I supposed to want to die? This has been going on ever since Mom died and Faye left, and you never even noticed! You never notice anything! But Kendall only knew me for five minutes, and he noticed! He cares about me, and I care about him! And guess what else? You two are so blind you didn't even realise all those bruises are from beating, that he puts up with every single day! It could've been going on since he could walk for all we know! Now he's lying in a hospital bed, emotionally scarred, and neither of you noticed anything!"

That was when he realised he'd been crying all the way through that last outburst. He pushed past the both of them and ran upstairs to his room. He fell onto his bed, sobbing into the pillow. What if Kendall never got better? What if he just ended up in a mental hospital, screaming at everybody who came near him? What if James went to see him and he didn't even recognise him? Just these thoughts alone tempted him, but he knew now he would never cut again. Never. He'd got at least part of what he wanted; he'd finally been noticed.

He heard the door open, but didn't move until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He rolled over onto his side to see his dad sitting there, stroking his shoulder with large tears running down his cheeks "I'm so, so sorry," he said softly.

Without really knowing why, James sat up and gave his dad a hug, both of them sobbing in each other's arms. He didn't know how long they sat there for. He just knew it was a long time.

The next morning, his dad wanted to come with him to see Kendall at the hospital. James didn't really understand why, but eventually agreed begrudgingly to it. "Just don't be intimidating; you'll scare him," he said firmly as they pulled up outside the hospital and got out of the car, walking inside.

Walking down the hallway towards the ward was nerve-wracking. He didn't know how it would turn out. It only worsened when the doctor showed up to tell them, "Only a little while; we don't know how stable he is yet."

James hurried into the ward, his dad following and sitting in a chair by the wall, while James went and sat in the chair by the bed. Kendall was lying there, on his back, staring blankly at the ceiling. His green eyes were dark, lifeless. It scared James. Sure, Kendall had always had those sad, unreadable eyes, but there had always been some form of life or energy in them. Now, there was just . . . nothing. His hands were gripping the sheets tightly, knuckles white. His lip had a band-aid over where it had been torn, and there were stitches on his neck and face.

"Um, hi, Kendall." James didn't really know what else to say. As he spoke, Kendall's head snapped to look at him, then he slowly turned away again, back to watching the ceiling. James, unsure of himself, reached out slowly, hoping he might snap him out of this.

As soon as James's hand touched Kendall's shoulder, the blonde leaped about a foot in the air, dry sobs racking his body as he squirmed away from him with wide, frightened eyes. James bit his lip and told himself not to cry. "Kendall, it's me. Jamie. Just . . . don't be scared."

Kendall stared at him, breathing wildly and unevenly. Then suddenly he burst into tears and threw himself on top of James, hugging him tightly. "Jamie, oh Jamie, I'm sorry . . ."

"It's ok, you didn't do anything wrong—"

"I tried to stop him, b-but he wouldn't listen, he t-tied me up and then—" He started crying harder. "Then he put me in the car, h-he broke my leg in the door, and he s-said he was taking me where all the trash belonged . . ." He couldn't seem to stop talking. "I thought he was only trying to teach m-me a lesson, I thought he'd come back, b-but he didn't . . ."

James just held him, then on impulse, kissed him gently. Kendall let out some kind of muffled gasp, then he sighed and kissed James back, holding onto him by the hair softly. James didn't even care about that band-aid scratching his lip as they kissed. This made up for everything.

"I'm so glad you noticed me that day in school," James murmured when he pulled back. "I'm so glad we found each other."

Kendall nodded, but didn't say anything except, "Mmm."

This worried James. "What's wrong?" Before giving Kendall a chance to answer, he automatically thought the worst. "You regret it, don't you? You regret meeting me. You wouldn't be here if it weren't for me."

Kendall shook his head, eyes wider than before. "No. I think, no matter what, I'd end up in here, like this. Sure, it wouldn't have happened so soon, but . . ." His voice died away for a moment. "And now, my dad is going to jail. He's gonna leave me alone now. That wouldn't have happened, if it weren't for you." He gave a tearful smile. "And, well, if I had died out there at the dump, of the cold, or starvation or whatever—you made me happy, before it happened. That means something to me." He bit his lip. "I've never been very happy before."

This meant something to James too. And it brought tears to his eyes, because it meant something else too. They would be alright now. They would recover, both of them. They could be happy, with each other. Nothing could get in their way now, and if it did, they could conquer it.

When the doctor told them to leave, James was shocked to discover, once they were out in the hallway, that his dad had dried tear tracks on his face. "What's up with you?" James couldn't help asking.

His dad sniffed mournfully, smiling sadly as he wiped his eyes. "I don't know, it's just . . . he reminded me a little of your mother."

James's initial reaction was, "Um, _why?_"

His reply was, "She was scared too, like that. And she said I made her happy. Like Kendall did." He smiled again. "He had that same look in his eyes."

Funnily enough, James knew exactly what he meant.

When James went to see Kendall again, the first thing the blonde said was, "I'm Kendall Knight now." He paused, biting his lip as tears built up in his eyes. "Mom, and Katie and I . . . we just want to forget everything. Start a new life."

James nodded, knowing this would take some getting used to, but that was ok. When Carlos, Logan, Camille and Jo came to visit, he explained everything to them, outside in the hallway. Camille and Jo had to wipe the tears off their faces before they went in, as did Logan. Carlos was in shock, especially after James found out his father had told him about Kendall's condition in much greater detail than James did. But it was ok, it would be ok.

The day Kendall came home from the hospital, James and Katie were both waiting at the front door of the Myers' house for Kendall and his mother to arrive home. When the car pulled into the driveway, Mrs Myers—no, Ms Knight, he had to remember that—was the first to get out. Kendall climbed out of the passenger side, a little unsteady on the crutches he had to use. James was the first to hurry over and steady him, leading him inside the house. The day was spent with the four of them just sitting and talking, every secret coming out, every thought shared.

But later in the evening, at James's request, Ms Knight and Katie left the house to give them some quiet time to themselves. This really just consisted of them both lying on Kendall's bed, Kendall curled up in James's arms. He was a little fearful of being touched; James guessed that it was because of what had happened. So he held him gently, careful not to scare him anymore. He'd had enough of that.

"I'm never gonna hurt myself again," James murmured quietly into Kendall's hair. "I've made up my mind. No matter how tempted I get, I'm never going to do it." He bit his lip. "Life's too short, and too precious. I know that now."

Kendall smiled up at him. "Good." He reached up with a slightly shaky hand and ran his fingers through James's hair. "But, if you are ever really tempted, call me, ok? Doesn't matter what time it is, I'll be there."

Somehow, Kendall lost that fear of James's hands on him, and they made love for a while, just wrapped up in each other's arm, kissing each other both softly and with heated passion.

They'd be ok now. Everything would be ok.

**I'm not gonna lie, I was thinking of killing Kendall. I may still do that, in like an alternate ending or something. anyway, please review! Big thank you to everyone who read, favourited, subscribed and reviewed this!**

**One more thing: I think I mentioned before I was gonna start 'Il Ritorno' once this was done. Thing is, that's been delayed, because I wanna re-read 'Forbidden Game' before I do, and I gae it to my friend for a loan. Lol, I'd forgotten before actually and majorly flipped out when I couldn't find it on my bookshelf. My sister had to remind me where it was xD so, sory about that, and thanks again!**


End file.
